Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
