at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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