my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
