all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
