I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
