He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
