just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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