They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
