I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
