You made me cry and you don't even care
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
