Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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