you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
