I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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