THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
