I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
