Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
