In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
