I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
