Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
This baby is an asshole
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
