Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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