Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
