wakey wakey hands off snakey
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
