I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
