if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
