i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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