My sheets look like a crime scene.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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