All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
