I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
