Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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