If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
