On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
