We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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