I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
