my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
