I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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