im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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