Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
