just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm getting married
To pizza
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
