its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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