Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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