I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
