I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
