I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
