you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
