I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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