she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
