watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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