Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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