Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
