when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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