What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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