i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
