I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
