can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
